Nobody Walks in LA. Today. Or Something.














Today’s actual dog-walk user experience in LA … me, and Buzz the dog.

ACT 1 … A white car drives by.  The driver, window down, screams “Get off the car!”

The woman laying across the hood of the white car, screams back, “Not until you give me my [inaudible]!” … “Stop the car!” and “Call 911!” … What? Yep. You read that correctly. She was on the hood, and holding onto it for dear life. The only thing missing was a soundtrack and Matt Damon.

The car stops briefly, so the screaming match can continue in stationary mode.

The belligerent woman does not get off the car.  “Get off the car!”  “No!”  “Get off the car!”  “No!”  “Get off the car!”  “No!”  “Get off the car!”  “No!”  “Get off the car!”  “No!”

ACT 2 ... The car drives away with the woman still clinging onto the hood.

The woman SCREAMS when the white car comes within inches of crashing into a local citizen pulling out of his driveway. Holy moley. Stay safe, citizens.

3 MNUTES LATERrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr …

Zooooooooooooom.  After driving around the block and almost crashing at least once, the evil white car is back on our street, complete with its living hood ornament.

The car stops about 50′ away . More people on cellphones.

The woman gets off the hood, the man gets out of the car.

Uh-oh.  Here we go.  Discretely move self and Dog behind a brick wall, just in case the situation escalates into a dramatic Los Angeles recreation of the Jerry Springer gunfight episode.

ACT 3 ... As everyone within earshot calls the cops, the guy throws a huge amount of cash into the street. Which was either a lot amount of money, or the dude carries around a disproportionate amount of Zimbabwe or Iranian currency, both of which are so de-valued  you need to carry around in a truck to buy a Frappacino. Or something like that.  Anyway —

The woman scrambles after the apparently not-worthless currency that is blowing all over the street.  More cell phones. More money. More chaos. More screaming. Birds snakes and airplanes. The Santa Clara Vanguard is not afraid.

The guy gets back into his car, without the woman on the hood this time.

He drives away, and will presumably be answering questions to the men and women in black in the near future.

Dog walk complete.  And Buzz the dog is legally blind, so he has no idea.




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