Top-7 Ways to survive this 49ers Season

  1. Every Sunday, watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 instead of the 49er game. It will feel like a crushing defeat, but not as bad.
  2. Play Madden video football, but do whatever you need to do to the settings and team roster to kick the Seahawks ass, including creating a quarterback with accuracy of nine million, and the running ability of Iron Man. Turn up the heat and the volume so it feels like you’re at the stadium. Win!
  3. Party like it’s 1994. Watch a 49ers game from the 94 season every Sunday, scream for Steve Young and Merton Hanks, put on a throwback and white sweats and do the chicken dance around the living room every touchdown – pretend it’s now. Disclaimer: You may need a beer for this to work.
  4. Soccer. It actually does not suck if you take the time to understand it.
  5. Beer. Possibly relates to the successful execution of steps #3 and maybe #1.
  6. Steelers – join the bandwagon, be astonished when you first see Vick in a black Steelers uniform running the offense.
  7. Don’t panic. The 49ers organization will regroup.
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