Scene – The last thing on the list.


The phone rings. KELLY, a 20-something woman with short red hair, picks up the phone.

KELLY: Hello?


KELLY: Yeah. Who’s this?

MATTHEW: This is Matthew. We were in marching band together, at West Chester.

KELLY: Are you the drummer who used to wear the Cleveland Browns hat all the time?

MATTHEW: No, that’s Paul. Look, I’m the guy who … well … ummmm … I dunno. I played clarinet. My name is Matthew. Does that ring a bell?

KELLY: No, not really. Look, I have homework to do …

MATTHEW: I’m sorry. Look, this won’t take long.

KELLY: What won’t take long?

MATTHEW: Tell me that you love me.

Stunned silence.

KELLY: Aren’t you getting a little old for prank calls?

MATTHEW: Listen, this is important. Please. Tell me you love me.

Kelly hears the sound of yelling in a foreign language over the phone.

KELLY: What’s that?

MATTHEW: I have to hurry. It’s getting late here.

KELLY: What do you mean, it’s getting late here? Where are you?

MATTHEW: Czechoslovakia. Well, it’s technically the Czech Republic now, but–

KELLY: What are you doing in Czechoslovakia?

MATTHEW: It’s actually the Czech Republic–

KELLI: Whatever! Have you gone nuts?

MATTHEW: No, I see things very clearly now. But I’m running out of time. Please. Tell me you love me.

KELLY: Look, I’m not even 100% sure that I know who you are … I thought you were the guy who told everybody he was going to coach the Cleveland Browns someday. And now, you want me to tell you I love you?

MATTHEW: Exactly. That’s the last part.

KELLY: The last part of what??

MATTHEW: The plan. The last part of the plan. Can you please say it now? It’s only three words. Very simple.

KELLI: You have seven seconds to tell me what’s going on or I’m hanging up.

MATTHEW: If I tell you, will you tell me you love me? Just once?

KELLI: Are we on the radio?

MATTHEW: No! Time is running out! Kelli, please!

KELLY: Matthew. You tell me what’s going on … and I’ll tell you I love you.

MATTHEW: Today is the last day.

KELLY: What?

MATTHEW: I flew to Prague yesterday. I woke up this morning and I went to a 500 year-old church … I talked to God…

KELLY: You went to Prague to talk to God?

MATTHEW: We argued, actually.

KELLY: You argued with God?

MATTHEW: It was mostly just me yelling.

KELLY: Oh my God. In a church?

MATTHEW: Yes. But I had a lot on my mind.

KELLY: You are insane.

MATTHEW: Then, a few hours ago, I watched the sun set over Prague Castle. Then I walked across the Charles Bridge in the moonlight. It was amazing, and beautiful. And now, I only one thing left before they get here. You.


MATTHEW: Yes. I’ve never had a beautiful woman tell me that she loves me. Never. I tried to get a woman here to say it, but things got complicated … you know, the language barrier, exchange rates and so forth. Although I did successfully buy a puppet and two key rings.

KELLY: What the hell? This is crazy!

MATTHEW: Actually, the plan was pretty well thought out.

KELLY: So, when you’re done … what then? You turn into a pumpkin or something? You come home?

MATTHEW: I’m done.

KELLY: I just said that.

MATTHEW: I mean done, done.

KELLY: Done with what?

MATTHEW: The game ends here.

KELLY: Maybe you need to talk to somebody.

MATTHEW: I am talking to somebody. You. 

KELLY: I mean a counselor or something. Someone professionally qualified to deal with … whatever this is.

MATTHEW: Are you going to tell me that you love me or not?

KELLY: Matthew …

MATTHEW: I’m almost out of time. It’s two minutes to midnight.

KELLY: You’re scaring me.

MATTHEW: Goodbye Kelly.

KELLY: Please, stop!

Kelli hears the sound of a car’s screeching brakes. Then yelling in a foreign language.

KELLY: Matthew! What the fuck is going on?!!

MATTHEW: I love you, Kelly!

KELLY: I love you too, Matthew!

MATTHEW: Thank you!

Kelly hears twenty GUNSHOTS over the phone, followed by distant screams.

The line goes dead.